Today I decided to not say one word about something that's been on my mind for the last three days. I received some news and it wasn't the news I wanted to hear. So I started to linger on the issue a bit. I began to get more and more angry thinking to myself, I have to confront this. I wanted to tell everyone about this and make "certain people" look pretty darn bad. I vented to my best friend, my mother, my sister, even my daughter and they all understood my frustrations and could see why I felt so cheated. But they all said one thing that was very similar, " Tinzley, your day is coming!" Yeah Yeah Yeah I thought to myself.
I mean how can you play by all the rules and do it with ease, yet it not even seem to matter? How can someone lift you up and in the blink of an eye tear you down? How can all you do and have done not matter? How can you even look at me? I wanted to gossip, I wanted to confront, I wanted to judge and compare others to me, I wanted to get smart, I wanted to be a complete monster,I wanted answers and I wanted them NOW!
Then something happened, each day I prayed and realized my own value, my own worth, all I have accomplished, my ability to connect with people, my ability to not need other peoples approval to define me, my ability to know that everyone doesn't have to like me or be impressed by me for me to feel good about myself. My loyalty, my love for others, my confidence without anyone having to tell me I'm awesome. I thought about how far I'd come, all the great relationships I've formed along the way, all the people whose lives I've impacted along the way. My bright smile, my warm heart, my passion for service. And the list could go on for days.
I realized that each day I felt a little better, the news wasn't so hard to bear after all. I thought about what truly motives me and it's not how many people approve, or like me. It's not how many people nominate me or select me, no what motivates me is Love despite of, love even when I'm angry, love even when I'm sad, love when I don't feel like it, love when it doesn't seem to make since.
Today I felt like a new person and I told a few people how much I appreciate them. I over looked the negative and focused on the positive. I realized just how great things are as they are and how things will happen for me,just as they should. I realized that love conquers all. Now I don't have any energy left to gossip, confront, be mean, or display anger. I just allowed my joy to out way my pain and I feel great!
I know there will be disappointments in our lives and it's okay to mourn. It's okay to feel sad and feel hurt, you're only human and you have feelings. But try resting your anger for a few days, just let it be yours and no one else's. It's okay to vent, but only to those you trust. You will begin to notice it's not worth the argument, it's not unbearable, and mostly, it's not the end of the world. Put your anger on timeout, and then it will gradually begin to time out.